My name is Emily and I'm 20 years old. You have reached trainwreck station, have fun reading about the bullshit in my life and enjoy your stay.
CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKERS.
—Anais Nin (via jhbrd)
—Sylvia Plath, 3 months before her suicide. (via zoeysbensons)
—Woori (via honeysighs)
Our air conditioner has been working on and off the past month. It’s broken, but he keeps turning it off and turning it back on. It’ll work for an hour or so after this, but it always goes back to not working at all. This morning, I said that the air conditioner needs to be replaced and he said I need to turn it back on, that he turned in off this morning because it wasn’t working.
I said that it would only work for an hour before turning off again, because it’s happened multiple times now. Kind of an obvious thing.
He told me I’m an idiot because I think I know everything, he said that I’m incapable of learning because I’m too much of an idiot and when I tried to explain that I wasn’t being malicious, he walked away interrupting me saying that he doesn’t want to waste his time talking to idiots who can’t learn.
I’m in tears because I know it is because of his pills and also because I can’t imagine a father speaking to his daughter this way.
I was bussing a table and I took a load of plates and dishes to the back. The bartender, Eric, was at the sink dropping a load of stuff as well. I wasn’t even really in his way, but I felt I was, so I said I was sorry.
He turned to me with a weird look on his face and asked me why I was sorry.
It kind of dawned on me that I’m always saying sorry for being in the way of others, even if I’m not. I realized this because I couldn’t find an explanation for why I was sorry.
I simply said, “You were here first. I’m in your way.”
He shook his head and said “No, we’re coworkers. We share this space. You’re not in my way, I’m not in yours. Stop apologizing.”
I nodded and placed my things in the sink and as I was leaving, felt as if I was in his way again. I said “Excuse me.”
He smiled at me and said “I will always accept an excuse me.”
My new phone has a much better camera… and everything else. I’ll be posting a lot more now.
Sometimes I feel an overwhelming desire to just give up.
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